ASS is defined as an unusual disorder that involves the attempt to pay attention in classes, learn something and, in the most extreme circumstances, getting good grades. You know you suffer from ASS when you get overly angry at people talking in the back of the classroom.

The incessant giggling, leaning back in the seats, and lack of note taking may bug you, and you may think there is something wrong with the people committing this heinous act of inattentiveness, but you are mistaken. These people are average. The talking, no-attention-paying jack-sses are the norm. Does this bother you?

Many of these people, I won’t say girls just because it is a group of girls in my Criminal Justice 110 class that make me crazy, are in college for the partying, not the learning. If you want to party, you don’t have to pay $7000 a year to do it. Move into an apartment with six of your closest friends, drink, do drugs, play video games, and waste your life away. All I ask is that if you are going to waste your life in my classes, that you do it quietly. Thanks.

Here I am in Criminal Justice at 12:30 on Tuesday, trying to learn a thing or two about the justice system, and I hear it: blatant talking in the middle of class. Is this really necessary? Our professor is pretty entertaining, the material is interesting, and attendance isn’t taken. Why would you come to class and not pay attention if attendance isn’t taken? Keep your skank-ass at home.

Or, here’s an idea: you could meet with the friends who took this class just to spend time together outside of classes! I am freaking brilliant! I should work for NASA, and you should work at McDonald’s. For pete’s sake, stop talking. Can’t you see how crazy you are making anyone worth their skin?

If you want to be loud, giggle, relax, go ahead, just don’t come to classes and take me down with you. It’s like being in a lake with one person who can’t swim. She will try to climb on top of everybody else there, just to keep her head above water. In the end, she will drown, and will have drowned everyone else in the meantime.

I don’t think I ask for much, I just want you to shut your pie-hole. I could use the time you are talking to soak up some knowledge. After all, isn’t that why we are in college? OK, maybe not you. You might be here to make friends, party, find a spouse. Go on the Dating Game if you want to meet someone; stop giggling like a chimpanzee in heat every time that jock guy next to you leans close to whisper an asinine comment.

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