Celebrity self-help guru Dr. Bill (Ted Danson) sends his group therapy patients on a mission to connect with others, then tries to take his own advice on Help Me, Help You, debuting on ABC Ch. 7 at 8:30 p.m. The patients include a rage-aholic (Jere Burns), a hilariously closeted gay man (Jim Rash) and a nympho (Darlene Hunt). Dr. Bill has his own problems, including an estranged wife (Jane Kaczmarek) who's dating his car dealer and a daughter who's dating a man old enough -- and neurotic enough -- to be her father.

The Luke and Lorelai romance takes a second hit, courtesy of love triangulator Christopher (Saskatoon's David Sutcliffe) on the season premiere of Gilmore Girls on WPIX Ch. 62 at 7 p.m., Global Ch. 12 at 9 p.m. and KTLA Ch. 60 at 10 p.m.

Detectives Logan and Wheeler (L&O newbie Julianne Nicholson) are on the case when a philandering doctor's death is linked to a sleazy teacher's extracurricular activities on Law & Order: Criminal Intent, on NBC Ch. 6 at 8 p.m.

Stabler gets yet another new partner (Connie Nielsen guests for six episodes) when he investigates the disappearance of two teens on a school field trip on Law & Order: SVU, on NBC Ch. 6 at 9 p.m.

Sexy science teacher Mrs. Turbody is in jail; Franco has a child custody crisis, and Tommy gets sweet revenge -- he hooks up with brother Johnny's ex-wife Angie (Marisa Tomei) on Rescue Me, on Showcase Ch. 28 at midnight.

Emily is taken hostage for the second time in one month, but this time Matt does the smooth talking to win her release on Standoff, on Fox Ch. 49 at 8 p.m.

Surely Hope must know her husband Bobby masterminded the museum robbery? But, no, she only suspects he's involved on Smith, on CBS Ch. 4 at 9 p.m.

Just when Gibbs thought he was out, a crook kidnaps Agent Fornell (Joe Spano) and pulls him back into the job on NCIS, on CBS Ch. 4 at 7 p.m. Hal Holbrook plays an old sailor who befriends the villain.

The men hook up with an old foe to pull off a job in Bulgaria, while Molly makes an unpopular connection for a good cause on the homefront on The Unit, on CBS Ch. 4 at 8 p.m.

New lawyer Jeffrey Coho (Craig Bierko) lands a major murder case, and Denny Crane's Internet dating habits may get the firm sued on Boston Legal, on ABC Ch. 7 at 9 p.m. Katey Sagal guests.

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