Shhh. Do you hear that rumbling sound? That's a million angry women and 25 feminist men pounding out angry e-mails to me. "It was extraordinarily sexist of you to suggest that this woman clean up after this man," tap tap tap, blah blah blah. "I had to check the cover of the paper to make sure I wasn't reading Christianity Today! For shame, Mr. Savage!"

I may be extraordinarily sexist, but suggesting that one-half of a couple takes the lead on housekeeping isn't conclusive proof. This is because my comments aren't motivated by misogyny, but by my own personal experience in long-term relationships - and none of my LTRs have involved any "gyny" for me to "miso" on. Take, for example, my current LTR. My boyfriend does my laundry, shops for me and cooks for me. I don't expect him to do these things for me because he's a woman. He's not a woman - he's got an absolutely ginormous cock. He does these things because he's good at them, while I'm bad at them - and he actually seems to like taking care of me. I like taking care of him too: I move things, kill things and pay for things.

So if my ginormous-cock-having boyfriend can pick up after me, JTIH, I wonder why lovely-vagina-having you can't pick up after your guy? I mean, think about it: If things work out and you fall in love and you move in and get married or whatever, what are you signing up for? The both of you? To take care of each other, right? Well, he clearly needs someone to take care of making dentist appointments and straightening up. What do you need? How will he - how does he - take care of you? Does he cook? Does he fix your car? Does he do your taxes? Does he knit you sweaters? If there's some semblance of balance, if there's cheerful reciprocity, then why not do his damn laundry?

, but almost all of the young ones.Until about, oh, age 30 or so, most men aren't secure enough in their own sexualities - and I'm talking about 100 percent heterosexual guys here - to do or say anything that might out themselves to their friends as anything other than "normal." Guys who wanna wear panties or tie up girls or get pissed on can pursue their kinks without having to reveal anything about their sexuality to their friends. So long as they date girls who are either completely discreet or just as fearful of exposure, their secrets are safe. But a guy into fat women isn't so lucky - if he's seen with you in public, NMDH, he's going to have some explaining to do.

This completely pansy-assed fear of not being perceived as "normal" results in many straight men dating, and in some tragic instances marrying, women their friends find attractive - or so they assume - and not women they themselves find attractive. But there's only so long a man can go on boning Nicole Richie when what he really wants is to bone someone your size. Eventually these guys come to the realization that a lifetime of sexual frustration is a high price to pay for "normal" cred.

Jason Fortuny isn't a shit-smeared asshole that invaded the privacy and potentially ruined the lives of dozens of men. No! Jason Fortuny is the Fantasy Thought Police, to say nothing of fantasy judge, jury and executioner. And now that Officer Fortuny has made an example of men into submissive women (so banal!), he can move on to punishing women with rape fantasies (so common!), fags into cops and firemen (so cliché!), and lesbians into, er, whatever it is that kinky lesbians are into (so squishy!).

Sorry, PB, I'm not buying it. Not all men into BDSM - even as tops - are chauvinist pigs. There are tons of misogynist males out there into strictly vanilla sex. (Don't believe me? Ask a female friend - if you have one.) There's no rhyme or reason to most people's fantasies; there are submissive male misogynists, cracker racists - male and female - into black cock, and desperately homophobic pole smokers. There's just no excuse for Fortuny's actions - whatsoever.

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